Picture this: you’ve gone back to your family home for dinner. You’ve been starving yourself all day because you know your mother is about to make yet another delicious feast to quell your hunger for eons to come. However, you’ve arrived early, and dinner isn’t ready yet. What do you do?
Well, you play Wii Sports, of course.
As of March 2021, Wii Sports has sold 82.9 million copies worldwide. It came bundled with the Wii on release, and was (and continues to be) one of the best multiplayer games to get you flicking your wrist around for a bit and maybe even standing up. For many, it’s a staple in the family home.
So when I decided to go back home for a home-cooked meal, it only made sense that my entrée was a round of Bowling in Wii Sports with my younger sister and her boyfriend. How else am I supposed to bond with her, by having a conversation? Who even does that anymore?
I watched as she and her boyfriend went head to head in a Tennis match while I scrounged around for an extra controller. I managed to find one, a Mario-branded Wiimote that had definitely seen better days but was surprisingly not filled with battery acid. It was, however….. slimy. Nothing a wet wipe can’t fix!
Once my Wiimote was ready to go, we opened up the Bowling game and went to town. I started with my usual technique of moving slightly to the right and angling the ball to the left before giving it a good throw. This, sadly, didn’t get me any strikes, but it did get me a good few spares to start off with.
My sister went into the game using this specific technique where she’d move ever so slightly to the right before going for the big throw, only letting go of the B button at the last moment. It got her three strikes in a row, and it got me worried. Her boyfriend definitely tried his best, and we appreciate him for that.
Being the kind-hearted individual she is, my sister then made the loving-yet-misguided decision to show us exactly how she got those strikes. Once she did, we both got a strike. And then it all started coming down. What a fool. What a loveable fool. She fucked it. She played herself.
Suddenly, my sister lost her way. The technique stopped working for her, or perhaps a small movement was slightly wrong. But me? I got it down pat. I was getting strike after strike, and when I wasn’t getting strikes, I was getting spares. This poor girl was getting absolutely dunked on by a loved one.
And then… it happened. Play the video below with the sound on as you read the next part.
I won. I continued to perform at a high level and I slayed. Tears of happiness rolled down my face as I pumped my fists up in the air in slow motion. My little sister said, “Aw, man.” But I could tell. She was completely defeated.
And her boyfriend was there too. He came last, but he didn’t seem particularly phased by it.
It felt like everything in my life had led up to that point, the point where I absolutely destroyed my flesh and blood sister with a simple flick of a Wiimote. Everything that I have achieved up until that point was meaningless in that moment, as the value of playing Bowling in Wii Sports was increased tenfold in a matter of a few minutes.
And then I walked upstairs, and I ate a delicious meal. Sure, the meal could’ve been delicious without me winning a game of Bowling in Wii Sports, but I truly believe that an extra bit of tastiness was added by the win. After dinner, she proceeded to kill me in Among Us. Nothing lasts forever.
If you are longing for a sense of pride and looking for a quick hit of serotonin, might I recommend completely owning a younger sibling in Wii Sports? It’ll change your life.
No younger siblings were harmed in the writing of this yarn. At least not physically. In terms of pride, possibly.